Graffiti the Ghost

Who you gonna call?

There's something strange in the neighborhood...unexplained lights in the sky in California, and New York assaulted by Mrs. Butterworth.

posted by Jess @ 5:02 PM 0 comments

Whiskey river take my balls.

Surprise, surprise, this article informs us that heavy drinking can harm men's little swimmers and cause an increase in erectile disfunction to boot. Makes sense. But don't put that cosmo down yet boys, because in addition to the oh-so-sexy whiskey dick, it says that hard-drinkin' men "can develop signs of low testosterone, including shrunken testicles and enlarged breasts." Score!


Cuz Paris Hilton says:

"Mini-balls and man-tits are HOT!"

posted by stefbot @ 3:08 PM 0 comments

Drunk dialing made simple.

OK, I am now officially ready to admit that perhaps I was wrong in swearing off cell phones. They do have a purpose after all, and I am soooo getting one of those.

Can you hear me NOW, bitch?!

posted by stefbot @ 9:58 PM 0 comments

Humpdump

I promise that I will be back to a regular posting schedule after the move to LA LA Land. In the meantime, some links for your rainy Wednesday enjoyment:


"What a bloody stupid design. What's the point of it being designed like that, if you can't even put your drink on it?" link. I feel your pain, Kate. I've been searching for a Rane mixer with a built in drink holder for years. The technology just hasn't caught up with visionaries like ourselves.



I can't believe I wasn't even consulted in the writing of this article. (via Jeffro) Wouldn't even be an issue if they would just freeze dry the fuckers straight away. Like Cassandra, no one ever listens to me until it's too late.



Just in time for his visit to San Fran, Diplo releases a Fabric CD. "This is a fast paced, funk fuelled ride through the badlands of hip hop, dubstep, electro, rock and techno sounds." (My favorite part? He calls it "a Fabric mixtape")

Just a sample from the track list, and yes he is, of course, mixing all of these flawlessly:

The Cure, Love Song ->Outkast, B.O.B. -> Le Tigre, Deceptacon -> DJ Nasty, Hurricane -> DJ Deeon, Freaks -> Turbulence, Notorious -> Cat Power, Free

Sigh. So dreamy...

And last but not least, check out the photography of Chris Jordan:

Exploring around our country’s shipping ports and industrial yards, where the accumulated detritus of our consumption is exposed to view like eroded layers in the Grand Canyon, I find evidence of a slow-motion apocalypse in progress. I am appalled by these scenes, and yet also drawn into them with awe and fascination. The immense scale of our consumption can appear desolate, macabre, oddly comical and ironic, and even darkly beautiful; for me its consistent feature is a staggering complexity.

(via Colin)

Until next time...

posted by Jess @ 4:56 PM 2 comments

Bacteria is your friend.

This article about anti-bacterial soaps, and how they can eventually do us more harm than good, didn't come as much of a surprise. The jist of the article (in case you don't wanna read it), is that anti-bacterial products don't really reduce bacterial infections any more than regular soap, and on top of that, they may actually be helping bacteria to become stronger and more resistant to antibiotics, while meanwhile we're getting weaker and less resistant to bacteria.


Let's face it - bacteria are strong little fuckers. We're not going to beat them. Like Dr. Levy (who is not only the president of the Alliance for Prudent Use of Antibiotics, but also a client) says in the article, "Bacteria are not going to be destroyed. They've seen dinosaurs come and go. They will be happy to see us come and go. Any attempt to sterilize our home is fraught with failure." Of course I'd like to see him convince my mom, the Queen of Clean, of that. But he's right. The better idea is to learn to live with bacteria, in peace and harmony, perhaps sharing a Coke. It's a very American idea to think that bacteria is an enemy which must be defeated, at all costs. Even if it means giving up the best cheese.

Whaa? Ok, so, last winter I was a guest at ChAmy's Tahoe house, which they lease with a bunch of Frenchies. While I was there, they started busting out all this amazing cheese, as frogs are wont to do. They had a veritable shitload of this one awesome cheese because they had been buying out every bit their local cheese shop had in stock, since by the end of the month it would no longer be available for purchase in America. They had even pre-purchased the final shipment the store had ordered from France. Apparently the Bush administration upped the "safety" requirements of imported foods (could this have anything to do with W's anti-France issues?), and this particular cheese fell below those requirements, because as we all know, bacteria is what makes cheese sooo good. The frogs were livid about this. "This is why Americans get sick much more than Europeans," they told us. "You try to avoid all bacteria, so you get weak and any little bacteria that enters your system can make you sick. We eat it every day, so our immune systems get stronger and learn how to cope with it." Granted these frogs were not doctors, but they really did have a point there.

So I was reading about the antibacterial soap thing this morning, and thinking of the frogs and their cheese, and I realized that the soap and the frogs and the cheese are also kind of a metaphor for life. Sometimes we get sucked into the mentality that to be happy, we need to avoid pain. We think, if I can just get enough money and a big enough house and an attractive enough spouse, then I'll be safe, and nothing can hurt me. But nothing could be further from the truth. Nothing can protect you from pain - "life is pain," as Wesley told Princess Buttercup. The better idea is to learn to live with pain, in peace and harmony, perhaps sharing some Coke. Every once in a while, ponder the brevity of human life, the ache of loneliness, the purity of grief. I don't think it's morbid to think of such things - it's part of being human, and makes you focus on what it really means to be alive. Keeping pain close at hand makes you much stronger than trying to shield yourself from it.

I'm not saying we should wallow in pain. That would be like subsisting solely on a diet of dumpster scores and licking the handrails on the 38 Geary. All I'm saying is, don't be afraid to eat the stinky cheese.

posted by stefbot @ 11:09 AM 5 comments

Chocolate babies, now with red bean paste!

Wondering where you can find one of those cool foreign baby accessories that are so hot in Hollywood right now? Wouldn't it be great if you could just, like, buy a Chinese baby or something on eBay?

Well now you can!

And what a deal! I mean, it's a known fact that a healthy baby is worth $10-20,000 on the internet, even if it's Chinese.

posted by stefbot @ 10:42 AM 0 comments

de Young and de Restless

I'm a little late in posting this, I realize, but Saturday was AWESOME. Parklife quickly degenerated into debauchery. Ding Dong's original assertion, "you know what I love about red wine? It doesn't really get you drunk..." was quicky proven dead wrong as we stumbled around like Brixton squirrels, assaulting everything that would sit still long enough and fully alienating anyone who happened to attempt a real conversation within our radius of stupidity. Lovely.

Afterwards I went on a full scale Golden Gate Park adventure with Tigga B.* (Wassup, my Tigga?) First we found a restaurant on Ocean Beach that will let you walk right out the back door with a full pint of their lovely red ale. Naturally, it didn't take us long to find out that this same restaurant was within stumbling distance of the windmill.

In case you were wondering, the windmill is impenetrable. Seriously, it's the Fort Knox of Dutch architecture. Don't even try it.

With our spirits bowed but not broken, we forged on. Our destination? The bamboo forest that Tigga swore was "around here somewhere." Well, we didn't find the "bamboo" forest, but we did find the "crackhead squatter" forest, complete with violent crackhead. Our original impression that the crackhead was just playing was wrong. I discovered this when my "Daniel Laruso's gonna fight" crane pose was met with a sapling in the face. Wait a minute, this is no 100 acre wood, and this Pooh DOES NOT want to share his honey. Lesson: even squirrels and rabbits are not welcome in the crackhead forest.


So, what is one to do when rejected by both a Dutch monument to alternative energy sources and a human reminder of the American will to destroy brain cells? Forge on, cuz the newly opened de Young is open all night!! Unfortunately most of San Francisco had the same idea, and the line to get in stretched around the block. We tried poking around the grounds for an open door (damn sprinklers!) but then remembered we had a truck full of sound equipment from the party earlier. Inspiration hit, and all it took was telling the guard at the back door that we were playing later and needed to unload. He put up mild resistance but succumbed to our charms eventually (would these faces lie to you??), and we and our stowaway beers were allowed safe passage inside. Luckily Tigga's record case is refrigerated.


A patron of the arts poses in front of the newly remodled museum.






If you haven't been yet, go to the de Young. In the words of Mayor Gavin Newsome, "Holy shit...I'm blown away" (link). There was no better time to approach this colossus than in the middle of the night. Even though it really does resemble something you might expect to find on Tatooine rather than in Golden Gate Park, the building is very cool, and lit up from the outside like that it felt like we were boarding the mothership.

From the little I remember of the inside, there are some amazing exhibits to check out. The series of articles in today's SF Gate, especially this one, can really break it down better for you than my hazy recollections, so check it out so you have some idea what to expect when you get there, cause this space can be a tad overwhelming.

All in all, even though I paid for it with my Sunday, when I couldn't get off the couch even to feed my sorry ass, Saturday was a raging success. I will never again take Golden Gate Park for granted. Where else can you rock out with your good friends and a sound system in a grassy meadow during the day and then visit Holland, Cracktown, and Tattoine all in one night? Thanks to the Wildlife Crew for a great party, and especially to Tigga for being my partner in crime. God I'm gonna miss this town...

* names have been changed to protect the guilty.

posted by Jess @ 2:34 PM 1 comments

I know that's the way you like it, living wild, wild, wild, wild, li-ife!

Wheee! Another Parklife party in GG park this weekend, courtesy of those loveable boys from the Hundred Acre Wood.

I for one am very much looking forward to this shin-dig. It's just what I need right now - an intimate renegade rock-out with some of my favorite peoples in a pretty little meadow. And if that's not enough, the one they call Ding Dong is playing this one, so there's sure to be some booty-rockin' going on. He's on at 12:45 so get there early while the gettin's good. And if you're lucky, maybe Windy will show you her new trick!

posted by stefbot @ 11:36 AM 4 comments

And it burns, burns, burns, the ring of fire.

Interesting comment on the Jack Rabbit Speaks Burning Man announcement list this week:

I was in Gerlach with the DPW crew as we finished pulling the last fence stake from the ground and picked up some very cool ground scores. MAN, what's with you all throwing away wedding rings?

Apparently the tossing of wedding rings into the fires is more widespread than I realized.

posted by stefbot @ 10:56 AM 0 comments

tell mi seh mi have talent

"Mi an dem fi go a di party but di three of them had caps an' mi had none so mi get two mirror one behind mi and di other in front of mi an' mi trim mi hair like a cap an' go a di dance," link

Um, huh? Whatever. This guy gives new meaning to the term "hat head." Awesome.

(via christopherporter.com)

posted by Jess @ 4:30 PM 0 comments

The Daily Coke Whore

Kate Moss snorting coke-- the video. I don't know, dude, looks photoshopped to me.

(via Defamer)

posted by Jess @ 4:14 PM 0 comments

Go south, young lady

So, the first thing everyone has been saying to me when they hear that I'm moving to Los Angeles is, "why?"

Well, let me break it down for you.

Some of the reasons why I'm moving to LA:

1- People are sooo generous in LA. In fact, a young single woman can get almost anything for free there: housing, concert tickets, even spa services. My days of paying for things are donzo, bra!

2- I can use words like "donzo" and "bra" unironically.

3- Because the other day in Golden Gate Park I actually said, "those pants look really good with that dress" with a straight face.

4- Cause of all the cute skaters in Venice Beach.

But c'mon, you know I'm an SF girl at heart. I'll be back someday. With a wicked tan. And a really cute pair of pants on under my dress.

posted by Jess @ 11:32 AM 5 comments

Any excuse to gamble

Lay your bets on what whacked out freakshow of a name Tom and Kate will choose for their spawn. I have "Science" at 50 to 1, but only because "L. Ron" was not available.

(via Defamer)

posted by Jess @ 4:47 PM 3 comments

A moment of silence, please.

Ok, so it's taken me a week to get around to this, but RIP Michael Vaughn. And screw you, Bennifer Affleck-- not only did you have him killed off just because your boyfriend didn't like you working with your ex, you had him riddled with machine gun bullets and then couldn't even work up some tears at his death bed or at his funeral. That's cold, Jen. Cold. I mean, I'm not a fanatic or anything, but the thought of watching a bloated Sydney Bristow trot around in flats all season, sans Vartan, just doesn't really appeal. Alias is dead to me. Time to heal and move on.

Some new contenders for my TV love this season:


Prison Break

Hot guys behind bars. Well, only one hot guy, really, but he's extremely hot, so that makes up for it. Granted, his romantic interest is a 300 pound guy named Candy*, but still. Hot.




Kitchen Confidential

The triple threat of hotness:

Bradley Cooper- the hottie whose hotness was never fully realized because he was living under the shadow of Michael Vartan on Alias for so long. Spread your wings and fly, B.

British fuck-all hottie (Owain Yeoman) - This is the guys that my girlfriends and I are looking for when we go out on the town on clean sheet night. In case you were wondering.

Asian hottie (John Cho) - Ok, so Cho is not particularly hot, especially in this cast of heavyweights but after Harold and Kumar I kinda have a soft spot for him. Update: Since the original draft of this post, Cho has disappeared from the show. Not sure what happened here, but the Asian nation should rally to bring him back. There are already very few Asians on primetime, in fact I can't think of one. Bullshit, really.



Add to that Entourage, which I have to watch on DVD because my free cable doesn't come with HBO. Entourage is my replacement for Sex and the City, now that SATC is RIP. It's basically the same thing- people with a lot more money than me living a glamorous lifestyle that I could never hope to attain. Just replace the rubber dildos with a Jewish dildo (Jeremy Piven), and there you are.

So there you go. See, Alias, I never really needed you anyway. Plenty of other fish in the sea.

* I kid about Candy, but he does have to do a fair amount of cock blocking, if you know what I mean.

posted by Jess @ 2:23 PM 4 comments

The good, the bad, and the fugly—a breakdown of the weekend

The good- Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival

In spite of the arctic weather (slightly better on Sunday than Saturday), thousands of San Franciscans turned out for the largest free Bluegrass Festival in the world. Some of them even seemed to know who the hell it was they were watching! I even spotted Jake Gyllenhaal, in town for the filming of Zodiac. He seems even cuter now that I know he’s an Emmylou Harris fan.

The bad- Lavende Lounge

Their owner needs to learn that you can’t throw 2 DJs off the decks (in spite of the fact that the dance floor is full) just because you don’t like breaks. Lame. Stick to what you do best- pretentious, overpriced brunch and weak ass cocktails.

The fugly- SF Muni

They raised rates, but then again they cut service, so we got that going for us. I spent about 2 hours total waiting for buses this weekend. When it takes an hour and a half to get from Golden Gate Park to Hayes Valley, something is terribly wrong. Oh, and you smell, Muni. Seriously, take a bath.

posted by Jess @ 12:49 PM 1 comments

Robots are people too.

We have feelings. We want to feel that we are unique and special. So what the hell is up with this broad co-opting my nickname, even as she readily admits that she's "not that interesting"?!? Damn you. Damn you to hell, faux Stefbot. If you're so boring that you can't think of a single unique trait about yourself, then why not pick an appropriate nickname, like Dullbot?

Robots can also be spiteful and bitchy.

posted by stefbot @ 11:07 AM 2 comments