Saturday, June 30, 2007

And the livin's easy

I love summertime. Sun's out, clothes are scarce, nights are warm, and this city finally redeems itself for all of its douchy shortcomings throughout the rest of the year. SoCal in the summer is a great place to be, so I decided I'd compile my favs into a best of LA summertime post.

And we're off with...


Pinkberry

I've blogged Pinkberry before, but it's worth a second mention, especially since no "best of summer" list would be complete without it. Love it. Love IT. LOVE it. Freylock can scowl all he wants to at the overpriced Korean chotchkies on the shelves, but even he knows that there are very few bad moods or PMS induced rants that can't be silenced by a regular w/ kiwi, blueberry and coconut.



Back in the day when Brownhole introduced me to this better than sin frozen addiction there were only 2 locations in town, which meant standing in line for at least a half an hour anytime you needed a fix. Now Pinkberrys are popping up around the south land faster than flies on the potato salad at a July 4 BBQ. I welcome our yogurt wielding overlords with open arms. Bigger than the Big Mac? You betcher ass it is.







Cinespia @ Hollywood Forever Cemetery



You've gotta love a town that sees any open lawn bordered by a big, white wall and says, hey, we could show movies here! So what if that lawn happens to be smack in the middle of one of the largest cemeteries in Los Angeles, and so what if that white wall happens to be the side of a huge mausoleum? All the better, in fact, since you can now plop down among the hipsteratti with your bottle of wine and fat bowl and watch a classic movie within 100 yards of the decomposing corpse of the starlet it features. There's just something so twisted and brilliant about that.

Upcoming movies include Roman Holiday, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, and One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. So nice. Link.




The Red Lion


LA has no Zeitgeist. No place even comes close. Not gonna happen. No way.


That said, when you just have to have a pint in a pleasant beer garden setting, there is always the Red Lion Tavern. German (or at least Eastern European) chicks in boob-squashing traditional garb will fetch you some pretty decent Hefeweisen and brats, but I doubt you could get away with nudity or even the occasional puffery without getting thrown out on your rear. Needless to say, hitting a Chinaman square in the noggin with a giant tootsie roll (even if it's Greg), dangling a wet green bean in a stranger's exposed butt crack, and chucking a full pint across the beer garden are all verboten. Damn. Even as I type this I'm getting depressed and homesick. I love Zeitgeist. So much.

Sigh.




Pure Filth Dubstep Tuesdays at Mary Higgins Gallery


Dirty, grimy, sweaty bass in an underground basement speakeasy. Old school- with a password at the back door for entry. This is evil bass. Boom.



Last time we were here G Train and Jeffro almost burned the place down when they set a nearby couch on fire. I happened to be on the dance floor at the time. All I heard was the MC saying, "Yeah, yeah yeah. Yeah. Yo, yo, yo yo.... put your hands in the air. Yo, just wantchall to know there's a fire exit at the back of the dance floor. Yeah, yeah, yeah, put em up, put em up ya'll."

When I walked back into the lounge there was a hole where the couch used to be and G Train and Jeffro standing there casually sipping their drinks. Their drinks were the only ones left in the room. They had used everyone else's drinks to put out the fire.

I hate those guys. So much.

In any case, I highly recommend the night. You just may want to choose your company a bit more carefully than I did. Link.



Little Radio Summercamp

Sex, drugs, rock n roll, and kiddie pools. Every Sunday during the summer Little Radio opens their downtown internet broadcast station and the gated lot next door to hordes of hipsters who come to, well, to outhipster each other as far as I can tell. Child molester mustaches, ironic t-shirts, and 80s inspired headbands (think Olivia Newton John getting physical) are the order of the day, proving once again that when everyone is unique, sadly no one is.

Aside from all that, Summercamp is a hell of a good time. Where else can you drink all day at an open bar, see two or three damn good bands, choose between a bouncy castle or a bouncy waterslide, take a dip in the kiddie pool, and play ping pong all while double fisting tasty cocktails and giggling like a little school girl? Yep, that's right. Nowhere.

See you there. $10 donation at the door. Dress to distress.



Echo Park Paddleboats

Evidently the paddle boats in Echo Park are an endangered species. I haven't actually been out on one yet, but it's my dream to schedule a paddle boat regatta before the summer's over and the boats sail away to that big condom choked inner city pond in the sky. Any takers?



Obviously this is a list in evolution. More to come as I discover it. Next up: 4th of July in the ghetto, hosted by Jeffro and yours truly. The neighbors have already been warming up for several weeks now, but I get the feeling they're saving the big guns for the night itself. More to come, assuming we survive.

Friday, June 29, 2007

ET iPhone home

Waiting in line for an iPhone got you down? Go get yourself a free Jamba Juice, yo. Stick with the all-fruits though - the other ones are loaded with sugar. Not that I have anything against sugar, mind you. It's just that when I'm trying to be healthy by drinking juice, I like to avoid downing two cups of sugar at the same time. It's how I keep my girlish figure. Well, girlish with a big ole booty.

Better yet, fuck the iPhone. Gw'on and get yourself the hottest new accessory this side of Green Acres, the iPig.

With 30 gigabacons, he's basically a walking Brass Tax party - just add speakers.

'Course he's almost too cute to eat.

Almost.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

If i wuz prezadent


Just when you thought we'd reached the pinnacle of teh internets' capacity for humor with retarded kitten funsies, soundboy goes and sends you a link to LOL President.

The formula works seamlessly when applied to GWB, because 9 times out of 10 the look on his stupid ass face perfectly matches that of a retarded kitten.

Yes, George, this shit is in fact bananas.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Scorpio

I just stumbled on this NPR tribute to a classic little nugget of funk and I highly recommend that you take 5 minutes of your day and treat yourself to a listen. Go on, you've earned it.

It's even better if you picture G-Train running away from a host of lions, tigers and monkeys in an old 70's cop chase-type scene while you listen. Run, G-Train, Run!!

Friday, June 15, 2007

Live from Kakamega

This just in from G-Train:

Your intrepid correspondent is reporting from the awesomely named
Kakamega, Kenya (makes me think of dropping the foodbabies off at the
pool), about to head off blindly into a rain forest. Just spent a few
days in the Masai Mara and Serengeti, which is almost as wild as an
evening at Wendy's with David Hasslehoff.


"Is that a chilipeno? Holy crap!"
Giraffes get their first taste of the G-Train.



OK, for the record, going on Safari in Africa is some Jurassic Park
shit. After seeing lions, cheetahs, and giraffes come out of nowhere
like 5 feet away from me for 4 days, I'd only be kinda surprised if a
dinosaur popped out from behind a bush and snatched up a unicorn in
its jaws. Besides the huge baboon that kept coming into camp and
barking at us for food like a needy little diva, the coolest thing I
saw was a standoff between a herd of elephants and a pride of lions.
It was like Westside Story, except here the Jets and Sharks actually
eat each other.


Artist's rendering


I'm filthy, scruffy, and extremely sunburnt. Which means I'm the same
as I normally am, except the sunburnt bit, I guess.

More soon. Smell you later...