In Case You Missed It
So here's a quick wrap up of this week's news so far.
James Cameron found the
tomb of Christ...
...leading to the Taliban's unsuccessful attempt to assassinate
Dick Cheney,
...to prevent him from completing his mission to
personally eat every last honeybee in existence.
Male frogs staged a
mass protest, converting to female in a widely misunderstood political statement lost on everyone but them.
All of which has caused the
stock market to drop drastically.
That is all. As you were.
Moo and Oink
Happy Friday and three-day-weekend eve, everybuddy! To celebrate, I invite you to feast your eyes on
this. I love, love, love the guy bagging the chicken wings. Is that an angel?
And for those of you who are wondering, yes, that is exactly what all grocery stores are like in Chicago, all the time. Now you know why I am the way I am.
(big ups to timmay for the link)
Labels: chicken wings, commercials, meat, moo and oink
Who's Your Daddy?
Uh oh, I think I might be
Anna Nicole Smith's babydaddy too.
It was a brief affair. We met cute in the frozen food aisle at Albertson's. Our hands touched for a moment as we reached for the Hot Pockets, but I felt the electricity, and days later over a pint of methadone flavored ice cream, she would tell me she did too.
So if the baby turns out to be extremely attractive with cappucino skin and a penchant for artificial orange soda, I guess I'll just have to start saving up for child support.
Only time will tell. Rest in peace Anna.
Saved!
You're totally a bigot if you really believed
Ted Haggard was gay.
Turns out he was just sick with the gaysies and needed a spoonful of God to make it go bye-bye.
Now he's completely heterosexual again. This is good news because it means more crystal meth and male prostitutes for the rest of us.
Haggard says
"he and his wife, Gayle, intend to leave Colorado Springs and pursue master's degrees through online courses." No mention however about any plans to lower mortgage payments or purchase cheap Viagra.
Welcome back, Ted. Catch you at the EndUp.
Bear Down!
Because I promised Chip I would post this, here are five great renditions of the Chicago Bears' fight song. Listen to all five and you'll probably have it memorized - it's pretty easy to learn. A little harder to actually sing.
1. As sung by the
Sounds of Sweetness boys a capella choir from the Walter Payton College Prep school in Chi-town.
2. As sung by
Bryan Griffin of Chicago's Lyric Opera.
3. My favorite,
Chicago Sings Bear Down, featuring none other than Norm from Cheers (born & raised in Chicago, Illinois!)
4. A cute punk band from Chicago, Manic Sewing Circle, doing a fun
punk version on the Chicago TV news, complete with spastic skanking bunny and trombone player in a classic Bears sweater.
5. A spirited rendition from an awesome
seven year old kid.
Incidentally, Bravo is showing a Princess Bride marathon right now. A bit of trivia for you: Fred Savage (the kid the story is being read to in the movie) is wearing a Walter Payton Shirt, and has Walter Payton and The Fridge posters up in his room.
Go Bears!
It Must be Opposite Day
...because looks like Rush Limbaugh was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize:
OK that's cool. We nominate particle physicist Nicole Ritchie for the Nobel Prize for Physics...
...the gum disease gingivitis for Surgeon General...
...and Barbaro as best horse in aisle 5:
Good luck to all of you. May the best man or horse or anorexic win.
And don't forget to brush, kids.
...leading to the Taliban's unsuccessful attempt to assassinate Dick Cheney,
That is all. As you were.
