Ho ho ho.
Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, and um, Good Kwanza to you all from GTG. What did we get for you this year? What? Our charming personalities, sharp wit and scorching good looks aren't enough? Well then, how about a timeless
gift that keeps on giving. Now who doesn't love that?
Joy the the world.
PS- fans of
The Bu will recognize "that dude from SNL" as Aaron, enemie turned friend of Brett the ninja. Yes, I just realized that. And yes, I am that slow.
Breaking News
This just in from the U.K. Office of Science and Innovation:
Roomba is mad as hell, and he's not gonna take it anymore.
We knew Stefbot would eventually mobilize her robotic armies- we just didn't think it would be this soon.
Yellow Fever
I'm so fucking lucky to be half Filipino. And it's recently come to our attention that my little dark-skinned master race has played a pivotal role in shaping today's modern world, and not in the ways you might expect!
No, no, we're not talking about those famous Filipino names you always hear bandied about like Rob Schneider, Jesus Christ, and Kirk Hammet of Metallica. Everyone knows them. I'm talking heads of state. Founding fathers. Luminaries.
For example, did you know Eli Whitney, inventor of the cotton gin, was a Filly? How about Satchel Paige, the first Pacific Islander to play Major League Baseball. A lot of people think George Washington Carver was Filipino, but he wasn't. He was black. But he did invent 101 uses for Filipinos, and one of those was alternative energy, because our massive body heat can be harnessed to provide power for generators. In fact, Magnus Samuelsson, the strongest man in the world, would regularly be called upon to do squat thrusts when his home town of Manila experienced rolling blackouts.
Kevin Federline is not Filipino, but Johnny-5 is:
Benjamin Franklin did our tiny archipeligo nation a service when he invented the printing press and founded Phillipines Jr, since renamed "America." And there are many great Filipino women too. Remember how proud the world was when the first Filipino woman was elected Prime Minister of England. We called her Isabela Santiago. The world knows her today as Margaret Thatcher.
Thank you Phillipines. You are a brave, noble, and exceptionally attractive people, and I'm not just saying that because I am half of one.
I totally mean it.
My life in pictures
Hi, my name's Jess. I used to live in San Francisco. I had a lot of fun there.
But one day I decided fun was bad. So I moved here:
Well, actually, from what I've seen, it looks more like this:
But that's alright. I have a cool boyfriend who looks kind of like this guy:
but not at all like this guy:
I like him a lot. And I have great friends, most of whom work for a major studio.
Not that one.
Yeah. That one.
They are super cool. We have fun. But I often miss my friends from San Francisco. Especially when they all start having these:
and these
All in all, I like LA. Although people do drive rather badly down here.
To be continued...
(I gotta go work on my tan. Wanna be nice and bronze in time for Christmas)
If they're so smart, why do we call brain-dead people vegetables?
If I only have one chance per year to call "bullshit" on something, I'm calling bullshit on
this.
I Think I’ll Start a Criminal Enterprise
Being the upright and concerned citizens that we are, when we heard about the LAPD’s e-policing website, we had to check it out for ourselves to see what the ne’er-do-wells were up do in our neck of the woods:
http://www.lapdcrimemaps.org/
Hoped we’d find a tasty burgle, a little real-life grand theft auto, who knows, maybe an old-fashioned armed robbery or two. And if the scenes of the crimes were conveniently placed, maybe we could even arrange a “Crime Spree Walking Tour” where we spend a pleasant weekend afternoon hitting all the felony hotspots that make a neighborhood a neighborhood.
But what did we find? A murder in an abandoned house, which we could break into and search for shell casings and dust for fingerprints to help the police find the true killer? Nope. A series of dots representing aggravated assaults, which we would piece together into a pattern, leading us to an unlikely suspect the Feds missed but we didn’t? Uh-uh.
Somebody’s car got broken into. That’s it. No murders, no rapes, no nothing in 2 square miles. The total pussiness of our neighborhood almost made us look for 1-bedrooms in Fallujah, but then it dawned on us: We could totally own this neighborhood. Because apparently we live around a bunch of soft vegetarian emo Smartcar drivers. And you know what? We can kick their asses.
So here’s what we’re gonna do. We’re gonna start a criminal enterprise and take this shit over. Of course, G-Train’s the Kingpin, but as of this moment we are looking for loan sharks, bookies, prostitutes, and assorted thugs and goons with flexible morals. Applications are now open.
Venice is ours.
Lame
Right. I need something to write about besides Banksy and Zombies. Wonder what Diplo's been up to lately?
(Ups to Freylock for the pics)
Arise Chicken!
Chicken,
arise.
And, in other zombie news, when will people finally learn that there is nothing "fun" about being
chased by zombies?
COME ON!
Ok, back to Arrested Development now.
*sneeze*
*whimper*
Later.
No touching!
That
Mark H. comic pretty much sums up my life lately, so I'll just post some random links:
Pics from Banksy's LA adventures are on his website. Aside from the truck, which is currently parked right around the corner from Jeff's house in Echo Park (and tagged all to shit by talentless punks who have no business wielding spray paint), I haven't managed to catch any of these out and about. Any of you Angelenos recognize any of the locales?
Oh, and in coming attractions:
The South will Rise Again. Awesomest movie title evar. Plus the redneck in the orange baseball cap bears a striking resemblance to our own G-Train. (Thanks to Freylock for the link)
Ok. Now I'm gonna go suck the pharmaceutical Theraflu tit and crawl in bed with Season 2 of Arrested Development, cause I'm hella sick. (That hella was for you, Stefbot. Holla at Oaktown for me.)
*sniff*
*cough*
Later.
