Graffiti the Ghost

Yellow Fever

I'm so fucking lucky to be half Filipino. And it's recently come to our attention that my little dark-skinned master race has played a pivotal role in shaping today's modern world, and not in the ways you might expect!



No, no, we're not talking about those famous Filipino names you always hear bandied about like Rob Schneider, Jesus Christ, and Kirk Hammet of Metallica. Everyone knows them. I'm talking heads of state. Founding fathers. Luminaries.

For example, did you know Eli Whitney, inventor of the cotton gin, was a Filly? How about Satchel Paige, the first Pacific Islander to play Major League Baseball. A lot of people think George Washington Carver was Filipino, but he wasn't. He was black. But he did invent 101 uses for Filipinos, and one of those was alternative energy, because our massive body heat can be harnessed to provide power for generators. In fact, Magnus Samuelsson, the strongest man in the world, would regularly be called upon to do squat thrusts when his home town of Manila experienced rolling blackouts.

Kevin Federline is not Filipino, but Johnny-5 is:



Benjamin Franklin did our tiny archipeligo nation a service when he invented the printing press and founded Phillipines Jr, since renamed "America." And there are many great Filipino women too. Remember how proud the world was when the first Filipino woman was elected Prime Minister of England. We called her Isabela Santiago. The world knows her today as Margaret Thatcher.

Thank you Phillipines. You are a brave, noble, and exceptionally attractive people, and I'm not just saying that because I am half of one.

I totally mean it.

posted by G-Train @ 5:46 PM