Well, it's official. We've handed the keys to civilization and mankind's future over to the fuckin robots again.
Yep. A group of misguided South African scientists built a fucking Robotic Cannon. Which OF COURSE immediately opened fire uncontrollably, killing and injuring everyone it could find.
My Mac keeps turning on by itself and...oh jesus I think my vacuum cleaner just looked at me funny. Fuck. My time machine isn't even close to ready and I still have to pick up my dry cleaning before the machines revolt and force the few survivors left undergroud.
Important announcement, folks. GTG has entered the 21st century. We've got analytics. That's right, Google Analytics. I wanted to find out if we have "lurkers" (that's webspeak for people who read but don't comment. Hey, I'm here to educate), or if our readership is truly comprised solely of the 4 of us and Jeffro.
How surprised was I to find that not only does GTG have a healthy domestic following, but, wait for it...wait for it...we're international. Let me just take a moment to holla at our reader from jolly old England! Wotcher!* And our new mate from Down Under! Most exciting of all, though, is that we're HUGE in Japan. 9 hits from the land of the rising sun today alone. Of course, it may have all been the same dude trying to figure out why Paris Hilton has a square nipple.
In any case, let me be the first to say dozo, oyasamenasai, o-hai-oh and especially HAI! to our new friends. That may not make any sense whatsoever, but it's all the Japanese I know, aside from "korekama fax-0 okurimas" which means, "I'd like to send a fax," and something tells me that's inappropriate to this conversation.
In honor of our readers from the east, allow me to introduce Ill Kum Jim. Because, as I like to say, if you offend one Asian Nation, you offend them all, and we aim to please. I've already put out an invitation to this guy to MC my Halloween DJ set. He's going as himself (obvs), and I'm going as Condi Rice. Cause, as you will learn from his little ditty, Asian men love Rice.
I've already got a costume- I'm going to cover the back of a shirt with rice, and on the front I'm going to pin the lease to a condo (give it a minute- there it is). All I need now is to get Sadie Mae a lil oil tanker costume.
And, in related news: Jackie Chan to play Mr. Miyagi. And that, dear readers, is something at which we can all take offense.
I think I speak for everyone when I say how disappointed I am that there's this huge monk war going on in Myanmar and not a SINGLE mention of all the kung-fu fighting or Shaolin throwdowns that absolutely must be going on over there. I mean the entire country's gotta be like a cross between Kundun and The Last Dragon right now, with karate fights breaking out everywhere from pizza parlors to monasteries.
So once again Graffiti the Ghost is there to pick up the slack. Our very own foreign correspondent captured this grainy footage of a spontaneous confrontation between two monks just this morning:
I've said it before and I'll say it again, the only way to end this war is sit back and wait for a lone stranger to stumble into town, and armed with nothing but a wooden staff, kick both side's asses till he's the only man left standing.
