Santa Claus ain't comin to this town anymore.
Wow. WTF, San Francisco? Why do you hate Santa? Does he not know when you've been naughty or nice? Does he not selflessly brave wind, sleet, snow and hail to bring you whatever your little heart desires every freakin year? Why the all out, city wide hate fest that you served up to all the jolly St. Nicks who turned up for their one day of Christmas cheer known as Santacon before once more taking that annual lonely sleigh ride? First there was the weather. Jesus, SF. Really. Who knew you could be so pissy. Well, we all knew, but hoped that you might smile on us anyway. But that's ok, Santa will not be deterred by a little wet. We come dressed to handle little set backs like these. Forge on, Santa, forge on.
But then to be flat out refused entry from bars like the 500 Club like a drunken prostitute, or a pregnant virgin. Apparently Santa is not welcome. I know one bartender who's getting a lump of coal in his stocking this year.
And from that point on it only got worse. Bar patrons, SFPD, I even caught a couple of 5 year olds giving us the old stink eye. The whole city seemed to be donning a ratty night shirt and stocking cap and giving us a resounding, "Bah, humbug!"
Ok, so granted, Santa can get a bit belligerent when he drinks. Sometimes he whips out his candy cane and sprinkles Christmas cheer where it doesn't belong. Sometimes he gets a little too jolly with women who are not Mrs. Claus. And who doesn't occasionally mistake a poodle for a reindeer? But c'mon, it's our one day off! Cut Santa some slack. He would do the same for you.I was even asked to leave one club because a Santa caused a ruckus in another room. Ok, this is just flat out santaism. All Santas are condemned by the actions of one? Or is it just that all Santas look alike to you? Is that it, Mr. Bouncer? We all look alike? Huh? I think it might be time for a little class action! Santa's sending the elves to law school. How ya like them spiced apples?
Oh, you'll get yours, SF. We're keeping a list, and checking it twice. Well, at least we're seeing double, which is kinda like checking it twice. So a very unmerry Christmas, and a crappy New Year to you, too! Now, anyone remember where we parked the sleigh?
Signed,
One Pissed-off North Pole-ock
** On a serious note, we were refused service at the Gold Dust Lounge (near the Powell BART station) because they wouldn't serve our friend who was in a wheelchair. I shit you not. They flat out said they would not serve him because he was in a wheelchair. And then called the cops to remove him. Please tell everyone you know.
posted by Jess @ 9:15 AM
8 Comments:
A PS for Stefbot- notice on that link where the LA Satancon was meeting up? That's right- House of Pies!! Too bad Santa couldn't be in 2 places at once.
They wouldn't serve him because he was in a wheelchair??? Shame shame SHAME on them. I just forwarded your post to my friend who is a disabiliy rights advocate/lawyer in SF. Next year Gold Dust needs to get a special visit from Mr. Hanky..........
Yep... they said it was an insurance risk. With policies like that, I sincerely hope their insurance protects them against law suits.
They LIE. On the Citysearch page for the Gold Dust they say they are "wheelchair accessible". I'll see what my insurance-sellin' wife has to say about this
http://cityguide.aol.com/sanfrancisco/bars/search.adp?page=detailDetails&id=100925196&layer=venues
Man, is this why you called me on Saturday? It's most unfortunate that I've quit answering my phone. But hey, did you see my friend the drunk elf with a "beer" down his pocket?
Suckerclub freaked and tried to kick out every santa at one point. I guess our band of merry christmas pranksters didn't jibe with their idea of whimsical.
We went out to make a public nuissance of ourselves; being rebuffed is a sign of our success, not the town's failure.
I'm glad to hear of such coldness, actually, because my experience was much more of warm greetings from elderly Union Sq shoppers who often asked to have their pictures taken w/ us.
Yeah Gold Dust Lounge can bite Santa's ass. Those people are totally deserving of a lawsuit, a Mr. Hanky smear campaign, and a lump of coal to boot. We should change their sign to say "Coal Dust Lounge."
And lest anyone think this was just a drunken Santa misunderstanding of the situation, I also talked to a group of innocent bystander tourist folks who said they saw the whole thing and couldn't believe how illegal it was, and that as soon as they finished their drinks they were leaving (don't want to encourage anyone to waste alcohol after all).
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