Take My Guinea Pig...Please.
Jess's "Quote of the Day"(TM) post below reminded me of two times recently where I had to repeatedly kick my own ass for not having a camera on me at all times. You know those times where you see something that's just so perfectly fucked up that you want to take a picture and share it with everyone you know? The kinds of things that people would take pictures of in those camera-phone commercials if the commercials weren't concerned with being TV-friendly. Well I didn't have a camera phone when I needed one, but through the magic of words and our friend the internet, I'm going to attempt to share these pictures with y'all anyhow.Photo One comes from the day I got my dog, Windy, from a Rocket Dog Rescue doggie adoption event. Jess, Jeffro and I went to go look at doggies, who were all traipsing around the sidewalk while the volunteers tried to get people to adopt them. One of said volunteers was a goofy-looking dude who was carrying around a vigorously shedding guinea pig.
The kid was covered with fur coat of guinea pig hair. For some reason, he decides we're gonna be his buddies, Jeffro in particular. He tells us he's a "rodent rescuer" and starts trying to pawn the nasty thing off on Jeffro. Finally Jeffro agrees to hold it for a moment, and we realize the kid's shirt, underneath all the guinea pig hair, says "I (heart) Cocaine." Priceless.Photo Two took place a few weeks ago when Prince Pablo and I were walking back to work from lunch. There was a dude selling some sort of wares from a table set up on the sidewalk just off of Market Street downtown. He looked kind of like a burned out version of Santa, and on this particularly sunny day Santa had decided to take his shirt off to air out his white Santa back hair. (I'm just now realizing that both of these vignettes involve copious amounts of nasty hair...go figure). I guess his shirt had been chafing his back or something, because as Paul and I pass by, he starts using a comb to scratch his back, but then he spaces out and starts combing his back hair with the freakin' comb like it ain't no thing. We had to stop and watch for a minute just to burn the image into our heads. You just can't script things better than that.
RODENT UPDATE:
Oh shit, call in the rodent rescue! Reminds me of back when I was in high school in Malvern, Pennsylvania, and one of the local newscasters, Jerry Penacoli, was rumored to have gotten a gerbil stuck in his ass. We used to sing the Yankee Doodle Dandy song, with the words changed to "stuck a gerbil up his butt and called it Penacoli."
posted by stefbot @ 10:49 AM
4 Comments:
Um, Stefanie, that was your shirt, not some random tweaker's. And that wasn't a guinea pig, it was TV's Patrick Duffy. Of course, I was really high at the time. Maybe it did happen the way you remember it.
Cause I'm freaky like that, and you know, for shits and googles (TM), I did an image search for "I heart cocaine." I got this result, and this one. Not surprising, really.
The only way I could discourage that guy was to hold the guinea pig up at eye level as if to size up its weight and say, "Well, I haven't fed my snake yet this month so maybe I should adopt this guy..." Then he finally took his rodent back and gave us some space.
Other great quote at the doggie adoption rally that day was simply, "I don't usually do this, but..." as that guy gave Jessperado his phone number. It's only memorable because I really wish someone would say that and then recreate the Napoleon Dynamite dance scene right there. I would believe that he doesn't usually do that, whereas the guy who wrote his number on a carefully folded slip of paper sure looked like he'd tried that once or twice before.
Is no one goinng to comment on the fact that Windy has a blog? NO ONE? Jesus, doesn't anyone follow the links or is it just that everybody and their mother has a blog these days so it's not surprising that everyone and their dog has one too.
Rissy started it.
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