Graffiti the Ghost

How to enjoy the Burning Man Experience from the comfort of your own home

(Author unknown. Thanks to Colin for the original and to Fred for digging it up for us.)


Pay an escort of your affectional preference subset to
not bathe for five days, cover themselves in glitter,
dust, and sunscreen, wear a skanky neon wig, dance
close naked, then say they have a lover back home at
the end of the night.

Tear down your house. Put it in a truck. Drive 10 hours
in any direction. Put the house back together. Invite
everyone you meet to come over and party. When everyone
leaves, follow them back to their homes, drink all
their booze, and break things.

Buy a new set of expensive camping gear. Break it.

Stack all your fans in one corner of your living room.
Put on your most fabulous outfit. Turn the fans on
full blast. Dump a vacuum cleaner bag in front of them.

Pitch your tent next to the wall of speakers in a
crowded, noisy club. Go to sleep. Wake up 2 hours
later in a 110+ degree tent.

Only use the toilet in a house that is at least 3
blocks away. Drain all the water from the toilet.
Only flush it every 4 days. Hide all the toilet paper.

Visit a restaurant and pay them to let you alternate
lying in the walk-in freezer and sitting in the
oven.

Don't sleep for 5 days. Take a wide variety of
hallucinogenic/emotion altering drugs. Pick a fight
with your boyfriend/girlfriend.

Cut, burn, electrocute, bruise, and sunburn various
parts of your body. Forget how you did it. Don't go
to a doctor.

Buy a new pair of favorite shoes. Throw one shoe away.

Spend a whole year rummaging through thrift stores for
the perfect, most outrageous costume. Forget to pack it.

Listen to music you hate for 168 hours straight, or
until you think you are going to scream. Scream.
Realize you'll love the music for the rest of your life.

Get so drunk you can't recognize your own house. Walk
slowly around the block for 5 hours.

Sprinkle dirty sand in all your food.

Mail $200 to the Reno casino of your choice.

Go to a museum. Find one of Salvador Dali's more
disturbing but beautiful paintings. Climb inside it.

Spend thousands of dollars on a deeply personal art
work. Hide it in a funhouse on the edge of the city.
Blow it up.

Set up a DJ system downwind of a three alarm fire. Play
a short loop of drum'n'bass until the embers
are cold.

Have a 3 a.m. soul baring conversation with a drag nun
in platforms, a crocodile, and Bugs Bunny. Be unable to
tell if you're hallucinating.

posted by Jess @ 4:25 PM