And the Award Goes To...
Yes, the rumors are true. I won! I did it. No. WE did it.
As you might have seen on TV or read in the news, G-Train won the 2006 International Award for Awesomeness, sweeping every single category. Competition was crazy fierce, but I managed to pull ahead of Bono, Kim Jong Il and a lot of other fans I've never met, probably because they all voted for me. Even Time Magazine noticed, and even though they just said "You," we all know who they meant.
TV On the Radio took losing the Rockin' competition pretty well I thought, but Mary Lou Retton was a little upset over our Gymnastics match, which I won despite never having done gymnastics. Kasparov cried like the commie he is when I poured chamagne over Deep Blue after checkmating it in 4 moves. Pablo Picasso was understandably pissed at being brought back from the dead just so I could take 1st place in Cubism, but he backed off reeeeal quick once he saw me knock out Evander Holyfield with my right hook haymaker. I put Christopher Hitchens in his place at the dinner party competition and showed the Dalai Lama what's up by reincarnating myself as an ant, a white elephant, and then Joey Ramone, in that order. I accidentily out-awesomed God himself when creating an alternative universe just to shut up Steven J Hawkings, but it was after I wrote the great American novel on a grain of arborio rice, causing Thomas Pynchon to forfeit and become my personal biographer, that I really began to feel like I could win this thing.
I couldn't have done it without your support. Well I guess we both know I could totally have done it on my own, but you know.
posted by G-Train @ 1:56 PM
3 Comments:
Wait a minute... I thought I was Time Magazine's Person of the Year?
Nope, it was me. I told them they should have been more specific.
I saw Dracula at the newstand looking at that Time Magazine issue the other day. He was really confused about why there was no picture on the cover.
The Lost Boys are pissed too.
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