Graffiti the Ghost

Missouri: more redneck than your hometown

I was not going to post this because I was afraid it would give everyone nightmares. I haven't slept very well myself since I read it. I sent it to the people who needed to see it and then tried to erase the images from my mind.

But then our man in the field, Jeffro, who has just returned from Missouri, reported that the phenomenon is more widespread than we had initially feared. In fact, one of his best friends was even wearing a T-shirt endorsing the activity. I give you: Noodling.

Kansas City — Howard Ramsey remembers the day he waded into the Salt River in northeastern Missouri, swam into a hole in the bank and caught a big catfish with his bare hands. link

If you've never seen a catfish, let me break it down for you. A catfish is a bottom- dwelling ill-tempered son of a bitch. Think of him as an underwater badger, but, you know, without the cocaine. Rows of tiny and very sharp teeth can clamp down on a man's arm and rip the skin off like peeling a banana (I told you this wouldn't be pleasant). They can also grow to enormous sizes. There are legends of divers seeing channel cats as big as twin engine airplanes. And they're not even that tasty, although my Mom's fried catfish could make a grown man cry. What I really want to know is what they do with these disgusting SOBs after they catch them. A free "Noodlers do it in the mud" beer coozie for anyone who can find out.

Now, to my knowledge (which, granted, is limited), only three good things have ever come out of Missouri: Jeffro, Greg, and Budweiser. Apparently, none of these three will tolerate the drinking of bad beer:

Hopkins, 41, is suing American Eagle Distributing Co., saying the company wrongly fired him for drinking Coors in a bar two years ago. link

My god... hasn't the poor man suffered enough? He drank a Coors for Christ's sake. *shudder*

posted by Jess @ 11:59 AM